Runwell Commoners Cricket Club

CAPTAINS SLOG - posted : Sunday 20th September 2009 Canvey Island V Runwell Commoners Another good win lads - thank you, that’s 3 on the bounce now. Well you know how I am going to start this report? Yes, no change, I lost the toss I do believe!! I need some help through the winter with that, it will give me something to do on Sundays at least. Canvey elected to bat first on a very good looking wicket, but our bowling attack left them ruing that decision with the Dark Knight – Sam, bowling like he was taking on the forces of evil in Gotham city and returned with figures of 3 for 18 off six overs, but he got a bit tired after all his antics I guess with Robin on Saturday night. Meanwhile, Mike (I almost appealed) Williams remained wicket less for a change. On came the loud Smith, Ben (gobby) Smith and returned figures of 2 for 25 off six overs. We then quickly restricted Canvey to a low score of 167, the only poor bowling was from Mike (mine) Smith who returned with figures of 0 for 37 from 4 overs but it was not really a spinner’s wicket in his defence and all the bowlers I used on Sunday bowled well. This was ably supported by our ever improving fielding. The only dropped catch was from our very own Bizz (Godfrey Evans) Mimms, although he will say otherwise, but we all know he did, right lads?? We headed in for tea with our heads held very high and with only 167 to reach we started with Andy(the quiet brother)Smith and Joe(wish I could score more then ten)Parsons to set about the task and yes you guessed it, again we lost a quick wicket when Joe fell for just 9. However, a wonderful stand of 133 by the very graceful look Andy Smith and the ever dependable Andy Stevens soon placed us in a good position and heading towards the victory line. Andy smith fell for a very good 67 and Andy Stevens fell for 65 whereby it was left to the dynamic duo of the (Dark Knight) Oakes and his father senior pro the rainman to see us to victory, with may I say a very good performance from the whole team. With only one game to go I hope we can go on and win to top off my first season of leading this great bunch of players. So friends, -- till next time folks. See you next Sunday. LANCE

CAPTAINS SLOG - posted : Sunday 13th September 2009 Runwell Commoners v Maylands Green Another good win lads, seems to be getting a habit saying this now, shame the season is almost over, but before I start my match report I would like to say a few words about a young man who has grown into a very talented cricketer and one who I believe will bring a lot more success to this team and that is Sam Oakes. Throughout the season he has grown into what I believe is our player of the season and, yes lads, he has even stopped moaning!! So from the skipper, - many thanks Sam, I just hope you keep it up, but not the moaning. Well lads, now to the game - First of all we all got to Lake meadows nice and early for a change only to find that the yobs or axxxholes - I call them, had broken into the pavilion and smashed it up, just to spoil everyone’s fun, except the mindless idiots fun, but thankfully Superman Stevens went faster then a speeding bullet to Great Bursteads ground and quickly got us a ground to save the day for us all, many thanks Andy. For those of you who read my reports regularly this will come as no surprise, as yes, you have guessed it, and I lost the toss once again and Maylands elected to bat first. I must say I would have put them into bat anyway, so not all bad. I opened the bowling with the every dependable M(still talking)Williams, but who’s radar seem to let him and us down for a change. I kept him on for his full 8 overs, but in the end he returned figures of 1 for 21, not bad really, but if you was on the pitch you would be thinking the same. At the other end was Sam (the Dark Knight) Oakes who bowled one of the best spells I have seen for years. At one point I had 4 slips and a gully plus a short point and only had Bob (stato) Paine in the covers, something none of us could believe and he returned figures of 1 for 15 off 8 overs. How he only got one wicket remains a mystery? I was in a mind to put John (golden shower) Stevenson on, but the umpire and the rest of the slips did not like his follow through and he had to quickly leave the field for a quick use of the rest room. Later he returned with a fresh pair of pants, much to the delight of his mate Andy Flintoff who just like his name sake broke down with an injured body. I then had to turn to our very own spin twins of M (mine) Smith and the doc Persaud who both bowled well and we restricted Maylands all the way through their innings until we eventually bowled them out for just 157. Now we retired for tea - and Bizz (Godfrey Evans) Mimms had provided us with a very lovely spread. This included some very strange green sugar? But was still very nice with the pineapple. After tea we opened our innings with yes, you guessed it, another batting partnership at the top, with myself leading once again from the front with our very own senior pro the rainman Oakes. We quickly lost our first wicket as I fell for a very disappointing 9 runs and with only 12 on the board things got worse and the doc went first ball, a nice golden, so there we were 2 down for 12 runs on the board but with the senior pro at the helm and with Andy (hope john has not borrowed my pants) Flint with him to steady the ship with a nice stand of 49 before we lost the rainman for 34. It was left to our middle order engine room of the ever better Sam(to the bat cave)Oakes and John(I feel much better and lighter)Stevenson to almost see us home in the dark and cold but John later fell for 43 leaving, yes you got it, the BOY WONDER…….. Oops sorry that is the other one, (nudge nudge, wink wink) Sam to be left on 44 not out who then hit the winning runs. Another good performance all round and winning the game by six wickets. Thanks lads. So to next week - you will just have to wait and see if the caped crusader can do it for us again!!- Dinner Dinner Dinner Dinner Dinner Dinner Dinner Dinner -BATMAN!!!!!!! Thanks boys- Your loyal captain. Lance

Captain Slog - posted : Mon 7th September 2009 Rettendon v Runwell Commoners Thanks to you all for a very gratifying win lads, you all did really well!:-) A great win on Sunday boys, especially as my two main players were hungover from Sam’s birthday bash on Saturday night, I expect more from my senior pros!! After reading most of my reports this year it will come as no surprise to you all that I lost the toss, and Rettendon decided to bat first on a good looking wicket, one of the best we have played on all season and with a very short boundary. Rettendon no doubt thought that with their strong side that they would post a very good score. I on the other hand thought we had a very good chance of winning with the players I had on the pitch on Sunday, even though some were with hangovers. Rettendon got off to a steady start, although not the fireworks I had expected but that was due to some fine new ball bowling from the ever dependable Mike Williams who returned with figures of 1 for 27 off six overs. He was supported by a new name to the bowling attack, Andy flint and with a plausible likeness to Freddy FLINToff, well in size anyway,… returned with figures of 3 for 21 off 6 very good overs. We kept them restricted in the opening overs. The ever youthful Ray(belly full of beer) Oakes, 1 for 33 off of 8 overs. It could have been or should have been a few wickets more if only he could pitch the ball at the start……. sorry mate, had to mention that! Then came the match winning moment when Sam (stopped moaning for one game at least) Oakes bowling provided our very own Bob (stato) Paine with a great catch at backward square leg to remove the one batsman who had started to cause some damage. I must admit to taking some of the plaudits for that one as I had moved Bob to that position, so great captaincy even if I do say so myself, oh and did I mention my chest? I’ll get to that soon…... After that we made very good inroads into their batting and with Sam (stopped moaning) Oakes taking 2 for 34 off 8 overs we then restricted them too 170 all out with J parson taking 2 for 17 and Andy (oh my head) Stevens talking 1 for 25 we headed in for a well earned cup of tea and slice of cake. As the captain of this very good band of brothers I had to open the innings as no one else wanted to do it, so as a great leader I went into battle leading from the front with Joe as my opening partner we set about the task at hand, but as is the norm we lost an early wicket as Joe fell for only 7. Their opening bowlers were steady but we made good progress taking out time. Then the first bowling change and on came their fast bowler, and to my mind the fastest I have faced all season, I even took one for the team right into my chest and as the pain grew I had to look him right in the eye and not flinch even though I wanted my mum!!, as it hurt like hell but not as bad as my broken thumb lads, did I tell you about my thumb? If not, then perhaps this Sunday then boys. I was out in the end for 29 after one of the best slip catches I have seen, so not too much I could do about that really. So the game went on and with John (golden shower) Stevenson out for 20 it was time for our in form but very moaning(but not in this game) Sam to enter the wicket and he soon despatched the quick bowler to the boundary with some very clean hitting. However, he also fell for 21 and with Andy (my leg feels a bit warm) Flint out for 18 it was left to our very own Godfrey Evans Bizz (I wish I could catch like a girl) Mimms to take us to victory and a very good one as we reached the total with 3 balls to spare. Well done boys.......... I loved that one! Lance (did I tell you about my chest oh and thumb as well!!!!) Smith

Captain Slog - posted : Mon 31st August 2009 Great Burstead v Runwell Commoners (Presidents Cup) The Two skippers (Lance with Geoff Boycott blazer and hat ) and (Andy Stevens) Have a good game old chap!!! This game was played under the banner of Great Burstead PRESIDENTS cup we had to have an early start and make it a 45 over match and as it was against Great Burstead we lost Andy (she so cheap) Stevens to Burstead so he could captain the side against us. So to the toss, and as it was the president's day one of us decided to mark the occasion with a rather splendid jacket. I must say did look rather good, but as the norm, Andy forgot his or least that's what he said. Even in my jacket I still lost the toss and was put in the field to bowl first by my mate Stevens. We got off to a good start with our strike bowler Mike (still talking) Williams back in the team after a sore back, owing to much laying on it I think!!. However, he bowled well, taking 2 for 45 from 12 overs while Dave(living statue)Brown taking 1 for 11 off 5 overs. Despite the good start Burstead later returned some very steady batting as they ended their innings on 218 for 8 off their 45 overs. Possibly more runs then they should have got but in my wisdom I brought myself onto bowl still thinking that I can, but with 27 runs of my 3 overs I let the side down, sorry lads…….. So in for tea we went and with some beers and pimms on the go with the bbq that Burstead had laid on for us, most of us wanted to sit down and have a rest but as the burgers were still to be cooked we decided to head straight out to set about the task of reaching 218. Had the very lovely Sam Watling been left to organise the bbq we all would have been sitting there at the end of their innings with a lovely hot burger, but not to be. However, she did provide a lovely Pavlova, thanks Sam. We had another opening pair,and this time it was Harry (I hate you) Butler and Darren (namesake) Smith we were soon two wickets down with both of them departing early. Ray(does not moan)Oakes hit a steady 30 with Colin(back with Runwell) Mimms 27 it was left to Sam(still moaning)Oakes to smash a lovely 84 not out and almost win us the game. A fact that was later recognised when he received the man of the match award and a lovely bottle of champagne, most likely still moaned that it was not Bollinger and we feel short of our target by 18 runs and thus handed the win to our good friend Andy Stevens. The game is all about the playing and not the winning and if you believe that your mad as I really wanted to win!! After the game Andy was presented with a crystal bowl from Jeffrey Stratford the Great Burstead President. Thanks to all the players who made the day a very enjoyable match and the weather stayed dry, So from your captain see you next Sunday. Lance

Captain Slog - posted : Mon 17th August 2009 Britannic Lodge v Runwell Commoners Well lads…….. A very big thank you to you all for a GREAT win against a not very nice side. On a hot sunny day, a rare thing I must say, I won the toss, yes I do win one now and again and I put them in on a rather sub continental wicket, even though we were playing at Hornchurch. Their innings started badly with Sam Oakes removing the opening batsman with his very first ball and in doing so their was very little moaning from him and I must say that was stranger than the pitch, but it was also a wonderful start. The Britannic innings did progress rather well after that but I still thought we might be able to bowl them out, having picked two spinners, well I say spinners, being Mike (Mine) Smith and Jankie (the Doc) Persaud, who had earlier received directions to get to the ground decided to take part of the team a totally different way!!!!, much to the Rainman's disgust, as he stated it was like following a blind Lewis Hamilton. Still I decided to put both on at the same time and both returned with great figures. Mike taking 4 for 47 and Jankie taking 4 for 37, a fact I still can not get my head around as even on a turning wicket Jankie knew better and decided to pitch only about half a dozen and still returned with the best figures. It’s just not fair is it Sam (still moaning) Oakes? We eventually bowled them out for a rather modest total of 212, at which point we went in for tea to what could only be the best tea we have had all season. So after a lovely scoff, the Rainman even washed his down with a nice chilled glass of white, we set about our task of reaching 213. I opened our innings with Andy (who is your father)Smith, a slightly more conservative Smith then his brother Ben but who hit a lovely 79, shame really, I would have loved him to have raised his bat to the pavilion on his 100 but it was not to be. We lost wickets at regular intervals with Andy (Maureen she so cheap) Stevens hitting a steady 36 while the rest of us chipped in with some runs well once again. I say all of us, that is with the exception of Sam (still moaning) Oakes who was out for his first GOLDEN duck of the season. After 38 over's we needed 19 to win but with our big hitters of Mike (mine) Smith and Simon (nice guy) Manterfield at the crease the win was never in question, was it guys? So their we were with bitten nails right until the last ball when we needing one run to win and with the aid of some good running and bad catching by their fieilders we romped home for the win I so badly wanted. Guys, they never thought we would get anywhere near it and it was fantastic. Once again a big thank you to you all. From your loyal skipper. Lance

Captain Slog - posted : Mon 10th August 2009 Runwell Commoners v Great burstead Hi lads, first sorry for the delays and no reports this was due to my computer being crap. Well lads, well done anyway for a nice little win on sunday against a weekened Great Burstead team, but we still had to win, which we did in my I say a rather easy fashion in the end. I won the toss and put burstead into bat knowing I had 9 bolwers on the pitch. Well I say nine, but that is including myself. Having lost Mike before the start of play due to a bad back we had to make do with only nine players and D brown opened the bowling with his brother Rob, and one for the future I think as for a 14 year old he bowled very well taking his first wicket with a sharp catch in the slips, but yes you read right, Ray snapped it up with the mumblings of Sam saying he does not catch any of mine, moan moan!!. Dave opened from the other end and we soon had Burstead 3 down with only 10 runs on the board. I then moved the bowling around the field with almost everyone having a few overs we restricted them to 120 all out. So after tea we set about out innings and as we was chasing only a small target and with most of the team tired after a great day on friday in the NAGS HEAD - (Linda your a star a true landlady,and then saturday night at the bowling alley a great night with a lot of laughs, thank you Samantha - great organisation). I decided to change the batting line up and give some of us a well needed rest we set about the task at hand. We lost early wickets, which in context of the match I always knew we would but M (MINE) Smith chipped in with a well worked 46, should have got his fifty but it was not to be, but with some hefty blows from the rainman the total was really never in doubt and we won the game with 9 overs to spare. So from your captain well done lads see you all in seven days. Lance

Captain Slog - Posted : Mon - 25th May 2009 Rayleigh Fairview v Runwell Commoners Well lads, what a close one and a really well done to you all, as we did great, but lost unfortunately by one run. I shall start my match report by starting with the outstanding facilities we were greeted with. Firstly, the changing rooms should I say the boiling hot shack, and lets not forget the massive gents toilet just so happened to be the massive hedge behind the shack, but at least it had air con. I lost the toss once again so that's 3 out of 3 just goes to prove its not true what I heard that I was a good TOSSER or words to that effect, which is what I think they meant. So Fairview opted to bat first which I may have put them in if I had in fact won. Our bowling once again did not start too well with M(can not stop talking)Williams and D(living statue)Brown being rather ineffective Dave did in fact did take one wicket but ended up with match figures of 1-27 off 5 over's and Michael 0-38 off 8 over's. So what do you do when you need a good response from your bowlers you turn to the senior pro of the team the Rainman and as the same as most Sundays he did not disappoint and returned with figures of 1-34 off 8. Fairview made good progress throughout there 40 over's and in the end posted a total of 218. Oh I almost forgot, I did bring myself onto bowl and ended up bagging 2 wickets but also ended up with the seam of the ball embedded in my right hand, a fact which made the nurse at Basildon hospital laugh her head off. thanks a lot! After Fairview’s 40 over's we went in for tea and as the standard of facilities were not exactly salubrious, the rest of the lads and me were in for a shock as the teas were not too bad in fact. I decided to change our batting order and as I wanted to see if my bat was indeed made out of willow and not Imodium as I needed some runs I opted to open the innings with M (whinging pom) Tonkiss. We set about the total rather well with a nice opening partnership of 53 before I fell for 26 and a nicely bruised thumb. Our middle order engine room of J (doc) Persaud 25 A (no Jack Russell) Stevens 43 R (senior pro) Oakes 14 and S (one ton) Oakes 23 and Tonkiss who fell for 37 after opening which I felt was a good innings due the fact he had not batted for a year and a half, we fell one run short after our 40 over's. So lads all in all a good game but I am still looking for our first win but who knows it just could be this Sunday so stay fit boys your team and your captain needs you.

Captain Slog - Posted : Mon - 18th May 2009 Leyton Nomads v Runwell Commoners Well boys where do i start for this one well i can say what a lovely ground set in the idyllic South weald country park and at least the ground was idyllic as our cricket was rubbish as you may have guessed we lost Leyton won the toss and elected to bat sorry lads thats two tosses lost in 2 games. So on a lovely sunny day and on a pitch that was dry and flat the nomads made hay while the sun shone much in fact to our total wayward bowling attack, Michael(hole in hands) willams not being himself and Dave(living statue) brown being himself something which i shall refer to later got straight to it and so did the opening pair for the Nomads which saw us getting the shine off the ball in record time as the bowling helped with some big hitting to send the ball to the boundary on numerous occasions that to the fact i spent so much of our forty overs in the bushes i was thinking of changing my name to Ray Mears. After our opening salvo things just went from bad to the ridiculous with the fact we dropped seven yes seven catches in the match with Michael (hole in hands) williams dropping three and then letting the ball through his legs as well great fielding mike and then something happened to which i have never seen before on a cricket pitch the Nomads ran a six yes you read right they ran a six not by a overthrow i might add just because they had the audacity to stroke the ball to the boundary where yes you guessed it we had Dave (living statue) Brown fielding and with the speed of a one legged gazelle took up chase and yes i am not telling lies the Nomads ran a six. Well after that i thought things could not get any worse they did with Ray dropping a catch and then having to leave the field with a badly cut hand so not only lost a very good bowler but also a very good batsman. On a positive note Mike Smith did bowl well with figures of 2 for 39 off eight overs and as they totalled 258 for 7 off 40 overs i thought that was a good return. So we were all looking forward to the tea interval and we all got another shock we had to make it ourselves. Well now to our batting having to chase a 259 to win from our 40 overs Jim (made of granite) inches and Sam (still one ton) oakes open our run chase which quickly turned not into a chase but a bit of a marathon with us not really getting anywhere near the said total as we lost quick wickets as well fell to 63 for 5 with myself not really putting up a captains innings as i also was out for just the sum total of just 10 but just as i thought we would be rattled out for under 100 Phil (seven iron) mears took to the wicket and with Ben (better than your dad) smith put together a partnership of 79 to show us all how it should be done with phil left on 42 not out at the end shame as if one man deserved a 50 it was phil. So we lost by a total of 116 runs poor show lads really but as they say 7 days is a long time in politics i only hope its the same for cricket still boys never mind at least the Nags Head is going to give us free roast potatoes so not all bad news lads. Keep smiling lads Lance(god i need some runs) Smith

Captain Slog - Posted : Wed -7th May 2009 Great Burstead v Runwell Commoners Well boys, this is your captain talking - not captain fantastic after our first game, but at the very least, there is room for improvement. On a pitch of very slow bounce, I lost the toss and was put into bat. We made a slow start with our new opening partnership of Sam Oakes and Joe Parsons. The game got underway but very soon we lost S (one ton) Oakes and then in quick succession, we lost Andy (118 212 shes so cheap)Stevens. Then our steady middle order of the doctor and colin (I have already lost him to Burstead)Mimms put together a nice stand, with Colin hitting a very nice 53, and the doc getting a creditable 39 it was then as captain i made the biggest mistake by getting the batting order wrong with the rainman too far down the order sorry ray i have only played cricket with you for 15 years now Ii should know by now that the big hitting was needed but instead i took to the wicket and 19 not out at the end with 3 chances to be out was not what was needed as in the end we ended our innings on 189 for 7 a total which i thought would be good enough to win. After tea Burstead started their innings and with our bowlers primed and ready well almost we set aboutthe task of defending the total with M (i wish i could stop talking) Williams taking the first wicket and at the over end i let H (wide boy)Butler open the attack but after a horrid 3 overs first game of the season over, I replaced him with the rainman but as he bowled 12 overs on saturday, sunday was going to be painful and it was sorry again mate but still we went about it and taking regular wickets i always thought we was in the game but with a very good innings by T goody of 77 for Burstead they inched towards the total i then in my wisdom brought myself onto bowl and after seven year wait i did take my first wicket but i am feeling it now. In the end it went down to the last over with Burstead needing 3 runs to win which they got off my bowling god i had a great day and they reach the winning total of 190 for 8 off the last ball which we had a run out opportunity but once again lance to the rescue i dropped the ball and they scrambled a run sorry guys so there it is the first of my match reports all i can say is well done boys for all your efforts even if your own captain let you down. lance(butterfingers)smith